Black Men Need Circles of Trust and Transparency. Men’s Round Table is That

Black men have been convinced for far too long that vulnerability is weakness and that internal struggles are meant to be solitary struggles. Yet if “no man is an island” is truly a relevant and valid quote, we must challenge the notion of being isolated land masses in favor of becoming an archipelago; rather, a chain of islands. This word choice brings to mind another saying:

“A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.”

For anyone who’s ever owned a chain link necklace, you know that this saying is a matter of truth! Yet and still, one link does not make a necklace.

This roundtable of Black men represents a strong chain. Despite the frailties they openly showcased, the power of their testimonies reinforces (to strengthen by additional assistance) the variety of weak links discussed. With only 30 minutes divided among five individuals, each man brought a viewpoint to the table that aptly captured a large spectrum of the target demographic. Many experiences were well-represented.  From the athlete to the business mogul.  From functional to dysfunctional marriage. From traditional to non-traditional careers. From faith in God to faith in self. From poverty to places of power. From challenges to successes. From father to son. From brother to husband. Many walks of life were brought to light which allows the viewing audience to identify with one, if not several, of the respective perspectives of each man. The overall takeaway from this discussion is that vulnerability and transparency are not something to shy away from in shame. They serve as tools (within a trusted and established environment) to address and heal from the brokenness that Black men experience as we’re expected “to create with nothing” without complaining. The support that these brothers provided each other is inspiring enough to reproduce and replicate in circles all over the country – a country that has traditionally sought to alienate us from our own internal strength and external bonds.

As a Black man, I am greatly encouraged by this show of camaraderie and openness among other Black men. When I was trying (and failing) to overcome issues with pornography and lust, I couldn’t walk fully in victory until I entered into a group of accountability. I confessed my struggles with two other men of God that I trusted and was amazed and relieved to hear that they struggled with these issues, as well!  I had convinced myself that I was in this fight by myself as a Black Christian man; likely because of the fear of telling someone else and being judged for my issues. That said, what these men are exemplifying is a level of transparency and vulnerability that I KNOW brings liberty and healing from vices and low points that arise in life (yes, I’m aware of the irony of that statement!).

Since experiencing this level of freedom, I am constantly looking to recreate it with other men that I see struggling with similar issues along with a host of other concerns that plague the minds and souls of black men I encounter. I’ve struggled with confidence in my role as the head of the household when I left my job to start my own business. I’ve gotten depressed without realizing it while trying to put my best foot forward for my wife and children while in highs and lows. The ability and willingness to admit these struggles frees up other men to do the same as they realize that they don’t have to carry these burdens alone. We were never meant to.

Many men are not ready to commit to such honesty (even if they see the healing that I walk in), though. It takes a platform greater than my own like Black Love to illustrate and validate this approach of confessing and overcoming vices concerning mental health. Since leaving the area where I lived two years ago (thereby separating me from the two men I formed this “circle of trust” with), I’ve finally met another brother who is as painfully transparent as I am, and I couldn’t be happier!  

If it’s not clear enough, I am an advocate of this level of intimacy and actively look to reproduce it whenever possible – not just for mental health, but for all aspects of life as it relates to fatherhood, sonship, sex, faith, etc. This video was “tribe vibes” for me… all day!

Season 2 of Men’s Round Table is now available on the Black Love+ app and new episodes stream weekly on YouTube.