How to Approach a Woman
Black Love contributor Briana Johnson-Sims shares the dos and don'ts on how to approach women to date and court.
What I Learned From Tantric Perspective, “Dating for Depth”
What does it mean to “Date for Depth”? staging-blacklove.kinsta.cloud Senior Editor Arynetta Floyzelle finds out.
In Search Of: Self-Love
Here’s what going on 25 first dates in one year taught staging-blacklove.kinsta.cloud columnist Brook Sitgraves Turner about finding your soulmate.
The 1 Essential Rule to Dating Yourself This Year
Senior editor, Arynetta Floyzelle, explores "doing it all" with the one essential rule to successfully dating yourself this year.
The Marriage Mindset: Preparing for the Relationship You Want
Antwan Steele explains why dating, courting, and connecting to your partner are all part of the road to lifelong commitment.
How to Date Yourself
I’ve always loved my single life. Scratch that — I’ve always loved my life. Thinking about it as a single girl’s existence usually only came up when in the company of coupled people. That’s when I most often found myself pattering on about if there was someone new, special, or worthy of the “we.” If there was, I committed to blushing gushes about “the guy.” If not, it was stated, then we rolled on to other topics –– and there were plenty of other topics. My life was full, and the “single” aspect of it was just one aspect. I was open to whatever couplings life brought — including the ultimate coupling, my husband — but I didn’t trick myself into prioritizing something I was not ready for. As a child and into adulthood, I thought about –– even fantasized about –– my wedding. But it was more the magazine spread edition: what I would wear, where it would be, what that first kiss as a married couple would look like. It was like I was always planning the Instagram post. I know, I know, I can already hear the mumblings of “this is why we have a 50% divorce rate in this country.” What I am trying to say is: aware that I wasn't ready for the complexity and depth of marriage, it was easiest to focus on the surface –– the wedding. In my twenties, as friend after friend paired off into ever-after, I eagerly planned bridal showers, enthusiastically performed bachelorette duties, and loved getting lost in the romance of the wedding day. But I never felt the pressure to find dates for weddings or events, or to be paired off myself. My life was about entertainment and work — far too often, in that order. I loved only having to think about me — who I wanted to visit, what country I wanted to live in, what jobs I wanted to take. I loved the get-up-and-go freedom of single life, and I considered myself a “girl on the go.” I would bounce to South Beach on a wing and a prayer with just enough money for a four-girl room share at the dingiest hotel on the strip, with my return flight landing just in time for me to drag myself to work. My closet was packed with sassy dresses and flirty heels to support my “living it up” lifestyle and, when I couldn’t afford a new “look”, I prided myself on my ability to construct a ballgown from a tablecloth and a safety pin. I didn’t have to consult anybody when I decided to move to London for grad school, or when I decided to move back. And this freedom went for the tough times, too. When a family member was involved in a serious car accident, I didn’t have to consult with anyone to move to be closer to them, and when I found myself in debt after two unexpected surgeries, I didn’t have to consult with anyone to move in with my parents to get out of it. I was only responsible for myself, and it was up to me if I wanted to honor or ignore that responsibility. Sometimes, the choice was a coin toss.
In Search Of: Fulfillment
Reiki, paddleboard yoga, oat milk, magic candles and love. Follow Brook Sitgraves Turner as she uses the art of attraction to attract a like-minded partner into her life.
The 3 Simple (but Necessary) Rules to Dating Yourself
The “Single Girl Rut” can be hard to break and should not be taken lightly. But with strategy, determination, and these three simple (but necessary) rules, one woman is breaking the cycle, one date at a time.
Top 10 Date Night Ideas
Time to coordinate child care, coordinate schedules, and coordinate outfits –– date night is here! Date night is a great way to connect, spend quality time, and have a lot of fun with your significant other. With that in mind, staging-blacklove.kinsta.cloud has you covered with our top 10 date night ideas, straight from our community to you. There’s something for everyone, and we appreciate all who shared ways they set aside time for love.
Black Love: Family Influence and the Power of Communication
Black Love Doc is back in full swing, and I am here for ALL of it. As my friends and I approach our 30’s, we’re continually thinking about marriage and being with the “right” partner, whether we admit it or not. Our clock is ticking. However, not all of that pressure is self-inflicted. Some of that pressure, especially for my friends who grew up in the South, comes from our families. Family has an important influence on the relationships we seek. In fact, sometimes that influence can be destructive. On episode two of Black Love, actors Sterling K. Brown and Ryan Michelle Bathe discussed the influence Ryan’s family had early on in their relationship: “I would say for the first, that whole year, the biggest part was how much my family, my mother and my grandmother, in particular, hated him, and they just kept [saying] It’s going to go bad’,” she continued, “It’s almost like that self-fulfilling prophecy. You can poison something and then be like ‘See, I told you it was poison’ –– yea, because you just poisoned it.” Ryan revealed that a lot of the challenges they faced were because of her family: “I will say that created the first, and sort of deep, fissure in our relationships, and had that not happened, a lot of the things that happened in our relationship, probably wouldn’t have happened.” The couple has been married for 11 years. However, Sterling and Ryan admitted for the first time on Black Love that her family impacted the effort, or lack thereof, Ryan put into their union. “I always had a wall somewhere…and one foot in and one foot out for a very long time. It was not a healthy dynamic,” she shared.
In Search Of: Inside Intel (A Man’s Perspective)
“You didn’t really say anything about yourself in this.” I’d just shown my one straight, male friend my Bumble bio. We were mid-dinner and he took a break from chewing to address this. His reaction seemed to suggest that I couldn’t blame my lackluster matches on the stats for response rates to black women on dating apps -- I was, more likely, the problem. How? I wasn’t quite sure, but I needed to know. “Wait, what do you mean?” I asked. “I’m just saying your bio basically screams, ‘You’re trash., I’m certain of it.’ And gives absolutely no details about yourself.” “I said I was tall.” “True, but then you basically said, if you’re short…don’t bother. It’s like you’re trying to be funny--but from what I know about you, it’s a defense mechanism.” I was not defensive…I wanted commitment, dammit! Plus, as someone who’s had my fair share of not-so-great sexual experiences, I was totally over the arrogance of men who believed women would want to have casual sex with someone who didn’t care enough to locate the clitoris. “Look, I’m not here for ‘waste-my-time-2018.’ And most of y’all want our time and bodies for so little in return.” At this moment, he took personal offense. “That’s a bold assumption,” he shot back. “When I met my girlfriend, I was looking for something! You always say I’m the cynical one, but I don’t know…” “But wait, if I were a cheese, what would I be?” He looked at me, blinking, before returning to his ramen. He didn’t know where to begin. As someone open to criticism, I quickly took his advice and typed up a sincere account of my personal history and traits. I’m from Ohio. I ran track in college and moved to LA where I am passionately pursuing my writing career. I love the outdoors, my new puppy, spending time with family, and I am tall. He took a look at my new bio, laughed, then said, “Better. So, do you trust me?” I did. Then he got to swiping for me.
Our Story: Courtney & Nate
“We were platonic friends for a year until one Saturday after spending the entire day together... We kissed. Something about that kiss was so special, it not only changed the dynamic of our relationship, but changed our lives. One month after our first kiss we agreed to be together. Six months after going steady, Nate proposed. Five months after agreeing to marry him, we broke ground on our first home and six months after that we moved in. Now, here I am... living the life I always prayed for. A life I often feel undeserving of. Not the life of being in love, or married, or even a homeowner - I honestly would’ve been fulfilled without any of those things. But instead, a life of intention. Some people may be opposed to the rate at which we moved. Everything they call quick, we call it intentional. When a man recognizes and is sure about the life he wants to build with you and the things he wants to do for you, he does just that without hesitation. So here’s to you, My Love, for never hesitating or second guessing. For following through on every little thing you said you would do. You make all my dreams come true! When your heart finds a home, build one.”⠀ Reflections by Courtney B.
