Sex can change in marriages for a number of reasons. Egypt Sherrod and Mike Jackson open up about how they got their love life back on track. 

Marriage is a journey — and just how finances, health, and other uncontrollable circumstances can change along the way, so can sex. Whether it’s for a short or long period of time, life happens, and it can take time, and even a little therapy, to get back on track.

Egypt Sherrod and Mike Jackson, who’ve been married for 8 years, opened up about their intimacy blip at the 2019 Black Love Summit, held in Atlanta last month. Their honesty in sharing how a new baby, postpartum depression, and body image insecurity affected their bedroom life was so relatable. The staging-blacklove.kinsta.cloud team knew their story could help so many people going through similar rough patches, so we caught up with the couple for an in-depth interview on how they navigated the issue and ultimately got back on track, together. 

Related: ‘Black Love’ Series Wives Talk Overwhelm, Sex, and the Perfection Myth

Before we jump into their interview, check out what Egypt had to say during the Wives Panel at the annual Summit below. 

So, what changed? How did they go from so much spice and passion to Mike’s “happy meter” plunging to a 4 out of 10? According to Egypt, she was depressed and didn’t know it. 

“We were together for 6 years before we actually got married. Our first child together came a year afterwards, so we had 7 years of just us. Just kind of dating, frolicking, and being flirtatious and experimental,” she shares, “and then, when the baby came, my body changed a lot. My emotions changed, hormones, and physically I didn’t even recognize myself in the mirror.” 

“I was in a very uncomfortable space with myself,” she admits. “I didn’t want my husband to see me naked, let alone be intimate with one another anymore. I was depressed. And, when you are in a depressed state, it’s very difficult — sometimes you don’t even realize you’re depressed.”

She would later find out from her doctor that it can take years for a woman’s body to regulate itself after childbirth. However, at the time, she didn’t know she was experiencing postpartum depression, let alone how to communicate it to her husband.  

“I really couldn’t tell him, ‘I don’t feel pretty, I don’t feel sexy’… He was frustrated with me for a while because I just was not myself.”

“I wasn’t the best with [explaining] it because I didn’t understand it myself. So, I was just very angry, and sometimes insecurity with ourselves manifests in very unpolished ways,” Egypt shares. “I really couldn’t tell him, ‘I don’t feel pretty, I don’t feel sexy’… He was frustrated with me for a while because I just was not myself.”

“I ask him, often, what his happy meter is and I think at this point he was like at a 4 or 5. We were at a state where he could have started straying, you know because once again, I was just not a sexual being in the marriage because I wasn’t comfortable with myself.”

Mike says not understanding what his wife was going through was the hardest part. “Not understanding what was going on was more frustrating than anything because I could feel there was a wall being put up.” He missed his wife — and although they both agree that he likes variety in the bedroom with wigs and different looks — he says his wife’s confidence in her own skin was always the sexiest part. 

“For me, it wasn’t the wigs and everything that turned me on. It was the fact that she was so tuned in with her feminine side, her womanity even more that she was comfortable in her skin. That was the sexy part,” he shares. “It’s not just about the man. If the woman is not in the mood, it’s not fun for the man.” 

Eventually, Egypt and Mike reached a breaking point, and they had a conversation to decide if they wanted to stay in the marriage. “It was a moment of self-realization for me that, with what I was going through, I had to verbalize it,” Egypt shares of her breakthrough moment. “I had to sort through those feelings or else I could eventually lose what we had all together. So I did. I told him, I’ve been going through this depression and I’ve been keeping it to myself.”

Mike says once he finally knew what was going on, they started the healing process together. “It was just about being there and being a shoulder to lean on. Being a listening ear, being able to understand, and helping where I can to be there for her,” he says. “I think most of the time we just want someone who hears us and sees what we are going through.” 

Related: Balancing the Juggling Act of Love, Marriage and Kids

It was a journey for Egypt to get back to herself, but she did the work. After reading an article on postpartum depression and realizing she was experiencing all of the listed symptoms, she decided to also open up to her doctor and a therapist. 

“I told [Mike] I am going to go to the doctor and get on this medication and see if it helps, and it did. It started to just, like, smooth out the edges,” she says. “It took us a while, some counseling, some honesty with one another, to get back to a state where I could be attractive to myself let alone feel attractive to anybody.”

“I think as women we go through very real changes in our bodies and lives when we have children. The point is for us to be fair to our mates, and trust them and tell them this is something deeper. Be vocal. We can’t expect them to read our minds.”   

“We’ve now currently been together almost 15 years, and it was a journey for us as far as sex in the marriage.” She goes on to stress that “people shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help!”

So, what advice do Egypt and Mike have to help other couples get back on track after an intimacy rough patch? First, work together and be patient with one another. 

“Once he understood what I was going through, he had more patience. Because it’s hard for a man, I think, to just feel rejected,” Egypt shares. “I think as women we go through very real changes in our bodies and lives when we have children. The point is for us to be fair to our mates, and trust them and tell them this is something deeper. Be vocal. We can’t expect them to read our minds.”   

Also, she adds, “Recognize your contribution to the dysfunction and get help. Sometimes we reach a patch where we just can’t figure it out ourselves, and that’s why professionals are professionals.”

Second, make a plan to map your way back to each other. 

“Start dating! Let’s go on a date once a week or twice a week,” she says of what helped in her marriage. “Let’s do some of the things that we used to do that we enjoyed so much together because that will remind us and be nostalgic about how we work and why we work so well.” 

Third, communicate and keep the relationship fun. 

“Communicate what is going on and don’t hold back.” Mike says this is key along with keeping the relationship “fun, likable, and uncomplicated because that’s what keeps the sex going and wanted throughout the relationship.”

“The sex doesn’t start in the bedroom,” he points out. “It starts in the beginning of the day with little text messages and flirtation and dating.”

Also, if you don’t take anything else away from all of these relationship gems, know that you can’t ever stop putting in the work! Mike said it best: “People think just because you get married it comes with the territory, like a given, but no, you have to keep the work going.” 

For more on Egypt and Mike’s beautiful relationship, be sure to tune in to Black Love on Saturdays at 9/8c on OWN! Also, binge watch seasons 1 and 2 on Amazon and Urban Movie Channel.