Woman laying on floor (Photo courtesy of Nappy.co)
Woman laying on floor (Photo courtesy of Nappy.co)
Courtesy of Nappy.co
The conversations surrounding masturbation are generally centered on single people, but orgasms are for everyone! May is Masturbation Month, and there are a lot of ways to acknowledge this fantastic celebration of self-pleasure. The various ways of exploring our unique individual bodies can stimulate our mental and emotional psyche in more ways than one. It also empowers us to communicate our preferred pleasure to our partners. So, in the spirit of sexual liberation, here are seven of the best masturbation techniques for people who want to have a better self-pleasure experience or beginners who need a bit of guidance in taking the next step to sexual body exploration.
Get Turned On
Arousal starts the domino effect that is the sexual response cycle. It’s also why foreplay is so important. The best way to ease into solo foreplay is to indulge in something sexually exciting. Perhaps, a book, song, memory, or good ole’ porn. The next step is to put some lube on your hands, and you know the rest! It’s time to explore.
The Wetter, The Better
Lubricant is essential when it comes to any type of sex, but especially solo sex. Lube reduces friction and isn’t designed to absorb into the skin, like the body’s natural wetness. Whether you’re a man or a woman, lube creates a smoother ride between the body and whatever is being used to provide pleasure. As a pro-tip, water-based lube is best for sex toys and condoms. Silicone lubricant works wonders in the water and is ideal for sensitive skin.
Play With a Partner
Couple laying in bed (Photo courtesy of CreateHerStock.com)
Masturbation doesn’t have to happen alone! Mutual masturbation is when two or more people touch themselves in close proximity to each other. Proximity is a shared space that can be real, imagined, or digital. Watching something sexy together or having a steamy phone conversation is a great way to start. Phone sex, Skype sex, or even calling right when you’re about to orgasm can stoke the fires of desire in a relationship in ways that sex cannot. Parallel play builds intimacy and allows partners to witness each others’ self-imposed pleasure. Encourage each other and tell them how sexy they look! Intimacy is what happens when you’re not having sex and climaxing together without touching each other, and it is a game-changer in that department.
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Relax. Relate. Release.
It’s difficult to enjoy sexual pleasure if your mind is racing in a million different directions. But if you’re trying to release stress, then masturbation is an amazing way to do so. Ensure you’re in a comfortable space where you feel safe and won’t be interrupted unless you’re into that! Breathe slowly and intentionally, close your eyes, and use the rest of your senses to explore what feels good. Lighting scented candles or playing arousing music can definitely improve a self-pleasure session, and being in a clean room can also ease anxiety and improve the pleasure as well.
Make a Movie
Woman setting up camera (Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.com)
Get a tripod for your smartphone and record your solo session either for yourself or for your partner. I live by the mantra and coined the phrase that “Pleasure is performance art.” Knowing your work will be seen adds a layer of voyeurism to your self-pleasure that may wake up your inner exhibitionist. Some people are turned on just knowing someone is watching (and enjoying) their performance. I also suggest watching your production alone. Watching ourselves masturbate inspires us to see ourselves as sexual beings deserving of pleasure and connects us to how sexy we truly are! There is a level of self-confidence and awareness that comes with knowing that you can please yourself—bearing witness to it makes it much more real!
Toy Story
Most people think sex toys are only big, penis-shaped vibrators, but in reality, there are adult accessories for all body types and all kinds of sexual adventures. Think about sensations you enjoy and look up toys that replicate those feelings. Sex toys don’t have to be inserted in your genital area to bring pleasure. There are toys for men and women, and that can be used in various ways. Strokers and bullets are the most versatile and accessible accessories that (when used with lubricant) can take your self-imposed orgasms to the next level.
Switch It Up
When we think about masturbation, there is an almost strict focus on the genitals. However, there are 13 different kinds of orgasms, and solo sex should include exploring all of them. Paying attention to other parts of the body expands our pleasure scripts and acknowledges other ways to reach ecstasy. If you’re not sure what I mean, here are a few examples.
—Use lubricated fingers to squeeze and pull your nipples while stimulating yourself below the waist.
—Put a magic bullet or vibrator in your mouth during “me time” to try and reach an oral orgasm.
—Utilizing a butt plug during masturbation can help you connect to the prostate (p-spot) and achieve an anal orgasm.
Orgasms release endorphins and dopamine, which means it has many health benefits such as elevating your mood and improving concentration. It can also relieve headaches, reduce stress, and enhance the quality of sleep. I’m an advocate for self-pleasure because it gives us a language to explore our desires. When we know what feels good to us and communicate it to our partners, in the end, it makes us better lovers, and the sex we have with others intensifies — making it even more satisfying.
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Hey y'all - I'm Coco, The Conversational Freak, your intimate health and behavior coach, and I've unfortunately witnessed too many women suffer in silence, struggle with body positivity, and deal with the daily nuances of being a woman
From luxurious candles that fill the room with warmth to thoughtful gadgets that keep the connection strong, these products are designed to enhance those intimate moments.
Courtesy of pexels.com A couple’s sex life is one of the most important aspects to a healthy successful relationship. The act blends the mind and the body — the physical and the emotional — into one. It brings people, especially those in a relationship built off of trust and love, closer together. Since sex plays such an essential role in love and marriage, the downs of sexual desire can be daunting. When the once highly anticipated act in a relationship becomes more of a responsibility, it can put a damper on the overall experience. However, it’s important to know that having a low sex drive at any given point is not abnormal. “A low sex drive is basically you do not have as much interest in sex as you may have once had, … so a low sex drive is relative to you and your experience,” says Dr. Donna Oriowo, a sex and relationship therapist. “There's always going to be ebbs and flows in the ways that we experience our sexual desire and our libido.” Related Articles: Been Married For Years and Hit a Sexual Plateau? Consider These Tips It’s Possible! I Rekindled My Sex Life in My 30-Year Relationship The Ultimate List of Intimacy-Boosting Products for Couples External factors, such as eating habits and stress levels, all contribute to the ebbs and flows of your sex drive. Oriowo tells Black Love that these factors play into sexual response cycles, specifically William Masters and Virginia Johnson four-stage linear model. From data they collected, they found that the four stages of human sexual response are excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. In 1979, Helen Kaplan took it a step further, adding desire as the first stage. Oriowo says that if people experience a successful cycle and a good resolution that will increase their desire and sex drive. However, when they have a poor experience, often influenced by those hidden external factors, it can contribute to the low sex drive. In agreement with Oriowo, licensed marriage and family therapist Rabiia Ali says that when it comes to sex, everything is connected. “When one part of it is off, everything can be off,” Ali tells Black Love. “If you are experiencing stressful situations, you may not have the capacity to be able to even feel sexual or physical sexual feelings, and that definitely could impact your sex drive.” The status of your mental, physical and emotional health outside of the bedroom impacts the experience you may have within it. If you are experiencing a low sex drive, these five things may be secretly interfering with your bedroom experience. Stress Courtesy of Canva.com Stress is prevalent in the Black community, with people reporting experiencing stress at a higher rate than their white counterparts. In today’s political and social climate, people are more stressed than ever. “One of the biggest things that goes into a low self sex drive is how we're feeling,” Oriowo tells Black Love. “Now, people are experiencing more stress than they have ever experienced before. It makes sense because people are having less sex than they have ever had before.” Low Self-Esteem The way that you feel about yourself plays a major role in your performance in the bedroom. With society’s unattainable beauty standards, it’s easy to put pressure on yourself to look a certain way. Sex requires you to be in your most vulnerable state with your partner. If you are not comfortable in your looks and your own skin, you can shy away from it. Low self-esteem and confidence may be the cause of your low sex drive. Diet The foods that you eat and the amount of water you consume plays a pivotal role in your sexual performance. Alcohol, along with other drugs, could also negatively impact your sex drive. “When clients are coming in and they're saying that they are not having strong orgasms, or they're not able to get erect, one of the first things I ask them about is their water consumption and their diets,” Oriowo says. “Eat what you normally eat, and add in foods that are high in antioxidants [and that] help with blood flow.” Courtesy of Unsplash.com Lack of Interest A good sexual experience combines an emotional connection with an intense physical attraction. If you have a lower sex drive with your partner, one reason could be that you are no longer interested in them. When the connection that you are experiencing with your partner is diminishing or is lost, it can be difficult to maintain an active sex life. Fatigue When you come home after a long day of work and complete all of your household chores, you may be exhausted. Without the proper amount of rest and relaxation, your body won’t be in the best position to perform in the bedroom. Make sure to get between seven and nine hours of sleep a night. Adults who sleep less than 7 hours may have more health issues, including low sex drive.
