couple in bed
Courtesy of pexels.com
Courtesy of pexels.com
Have you ever experienced a dip in your libido? There are a variety of reasons why one experiences a decrease in their sexual appetite. But either way, there’s no need to be embarrassed or ashamed because you’re not alone in this. It’s common for both men and women to have a low sex-drive from time-to-time.
You and your partner’s sexcapades can thrive one day and, in an instant, become a bore, more so a chore. Everyday stressors, overindulgence of alcohol, or medication side-effects could be contributing factors. Although some say “Age ain’t nothing but a number,” it can definitely play a role when it’s time to get it in with your significant other. And the worst-case scenario, it could be the result of a more severe underlying issue.
So, the real question is, how can you and your partner get that “old thang back?” When the arousal to get in a quickie turns into annoyance, it’s time to figure out the paradigm shift of your sexual mood, turning into the blues. Here are a few things to consider.
Intimacy Intervention: Reigniting the spark to strengthen your emotional connection can be an easy fix. But only if you’re both willing to put in the work with open and honest communication paired with ways to ignite change. Keeping things spicy in the bedroom is essential for any relationship. When you’re not in-tune with each other, the spark can diminish your sex drive. So, next time, you’re feeling a disconnect from your partner, perhaps, it’s time for a weekly check-in?
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Hormonal Imbalance: Fellas, if your sexual desires have declined, low testosterone may be the case. In addition to a decreased sex drive, other indicators associated with this condition are reduced energy levels, weight gain, hair loss, tiredness, mood changes, and low ejaculation. According to Damon Davis, a urologist with Mercy Medical Center in Baltimore, approximately “30 to 40% of men over the age of 50 have low testosterone.” Luckily, a basic blood test can confirm the condition.
Keeping things spicy in the bedroom is essential for any relationship. When you’re not in-tune with each other, the spark can diminish your sex drive.
Credit: @tianajanine_photography
Menstrual Cycle Changes: For women, journaling the shifts in your menstruation can better prepare you for a drastic dip in your libido. Although the horniness for sex heats up around a woman’s ovulation date, the complete opposite occurs once the ovulation period is over. A lower sex drive after ovulation is a result of increased levels of the progesterone hormone, which negatively corresponds with the libido.
Sexual Insecurities: The best way to build a sense of comfortability with your private parts is to become more familiar with them. The more you look at and touch your own sexual organs by pleasuring and interacting with them builds a higher sense of comfort and confidence. Everyone’s genitals are different, and despite what some of us have been taught, our privates are a beautiful part of our anatomy and should be treated with care. Having a healthy relationship with all aspects of your body is essential to maintaining and sustaining a positive body image.
Menopause: Contrary to popular belief, menopause can begin before the age of 40, and decreased estrogen levels during this time can lower the libido. Painful sexual intercourse, vaginal dryness, and extreme fatigue are a few common symptoms. To boost your drive, try a lubricant, engage in some exciting foreplay, but more importantly, communicate with your partner to fulfill both emotional and physical intimacy.
Limited Focus: Sex should be a mutually beneficial experience for all parties involved. If your only interest is pleasing your partner, and not yourself, then your sex drive might be lowered. It’s a disadvantage if your own wants and needs are not considered when you’re doing the deed. You and your partner should educate each other on your favorite positions, sexual fantasies, or role-play situations. So, get ready for things to get spicier during your meeting in the bedroom.
The best way to build a sense of comfortability with your own private parts is to become more familiar with them.
Credit: @knowingtracy
You Are What You Eat: Processed foods and added sugars can drag you down in more ways than one. It’s more than a mood killer; it also heightens health risks such as stomach, intestinal, and digestive issues. Not to mention, a poor diet can create a slump in your sex drive. Adding whole foods into your daily routine not only boosts your mood, but it also has an increased effect on your libido.
Are You Drinking Too Much? Alcohol can have varying effects. It can help create the mood, keep the party going, or serve as a buzz killer. Although new found confidence is generally on the horizon after the liquid courage kicks in, alcohol is a depressant. Dehydration of your lady parts (vaginal dryness) and an overall less than fulfilling pleasurable sexual experience could be the result. As your blood level increases, your sex drive can take a nosedive, making it much more difficult for women to reach orgasm and men to achieve an erection, which can lead to erectile dysfunction. Remember to keep it cute and keep it sexy by avoiding the overindulgence of alcohol.
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Hey y'all - I'm Coco, The Conversational Freak, your intimate health and behavior coach, and I've unfortunately witnessed too many women suffer in silence, struggle with body positivity, and deal with the daily nuances of being a woman
From luxurious candles that fill the room with warmth to thoughtful gadgets that keep the connection strong, these products are designed to enhance those intimate moments.
Courtesy of pexels.com A couple’s sex life is one of the most important aspects to a healthy successful relationship. The act blends the mind and the body — the physical and the emotional — into one. It brings people, especially those in a relationship built off of trust and love, closer together. Since sex plays such an essential role in love and marriage, the downs of sexual desire can be daunting. When the once highly anticipated act in a relationship becomes more of a responsibility, it can put a damper on the overall experience. However, it’s important to know that having a low sex drive at any given point is not abnormal. “A low sex drive is basically you do not have as much interest in sex as you may have once had, … so a low sex drive is relative to you and your experience,” says Dr. Donna Oriowo, a sex and relationship therapist. “There's always going to be ebbs and flows in the ways that we experience our sexual desire and our libido.” Related Articles: Been Married For Years and Hit a Sexual Plateau? Consider These Tips It’s Possible! I Rekindled My Sex Life in My 30-Year Relationship The Ultimate List of Intimacy-Boosting Products for Couples External factors, such as eating habits and stress levels, all contribute to the ebbs and flows of your sex drive. Oriowo tells Black Love that these factors play into sexual response cycles, specifically William Masters and Virginia Johnson four-stage linear model. From data they collected, they found that the four stages of human sexual response are excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. In 1979, Helen Kaplan took it a step further, adding desire as the first stage. Oriowo says that if people experience a successful cycle and a good resolution that will increase their desire and sex drive. However, when they have a poor experience, often influenced by those hidden external factors, it can contribute to the low sex drive. In agreement with Oriowo, licensed marriage and family therapist Rabiia Ali says that when it comes to sex, everything is connected. “When one part of it is off, everything can be off,” Ali tells Black Love. “If you are experiencing stressful situations, you may not have the capacity to be able to even feel sexual or physical sexual feelings, and that definitely could impact your sex drive.” The status of your mental, physical and emotional health outside of the bedroom impacts the experience you may have within it. If you are experiencing a low sex drive, these five things may be secretly interfering with your bedroom experience. Stress Courtesy of Canva.com Stress is prevalent in the Black community, with people reporting experiencing stress at a higher rate than their white counterparts. In today’s political and social climate, people are more stressed than ever. “One of the biggest things that goes into a low self sex drive is how we're feeling,” Oriowo tells Black Love. “Now, people are experiencing more stress than they have ever experienced before. It makes sense because people are having less sex than they have ever had before.” Low Self-Esteem The way that you feel about yourself plays a major role in your performance in the bedroom. With society’s unattainable beauty standards, it’s easy to put pressure on yourself to look a certain way. Sex requires you to be in your most vulnerable state with your partner. If you are not comfortable in your looks and your own skin, you can shy away from it. Low self-esteem and confidence may be the cause of your low sex drive. Diet The foods that you eat and the amount of water you consume plays a pivotal role in your sexual performance. Alcohol, along with other drugs, could also negatively impact your sex drive. “When clients are coming in and they're saying that they are not having strong orgasms, or they're not able to get erect, one of the first things I ask them about is their water consumption and their diets,” Oriowo says. “Eat what you normally eat, and add in foods that are high in antioxidants [and that] help with blood flow.” Courtesy of Unsplash.com Lack of Interest A good sexual experience combines an emotional connection with an intense physical attraction. If you have a lower sex drive with your partner, one reason could be that you are no longer interested in them. When the connection that you are experiencing with your partner is diminishing or is lost, it can be difficult to maintain an active sex life. Fatigue When you come home after a long day of work and complete all of your household chores, you may be exhausted. Without the proper amount of rest and relaxation, your body won’t be in the best position to perform in the bedroom. Make sure to get between seven and nine hours of sleep a night. Adults who sleep less than 7 hours may have more health issues, including low sex drive.
