Courtesy of @tenesiaandterence
Courtesy of @tenesiaandterence
Courtesy of @tenesiaandterence
Introducing kink to your partner can feel extremely intimidating. Sometimes it doesn’t matter if you’ve been interested in kink for a while or trying to add some spark to your sex life — figuring out the best way to live out your “Fifty Shades of Grey” fantasies with a partner can be scary and awkward. Fear and discomfort around kink typically stems from misunderstanding what kink is, and learning together can be an amazing experience!
Kink is described easily as non-conventional sexual practices. Kink can be as simple as touching, kissing, masturbation, romantic talk or can be as extreme as BDSM ( Bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism), fantasy and role-playing, fetishes, exhibitionism or voyeurism, and group sex.
So how do you let a partner know you want to be tied up after dinner?
Communication is key
The key to exploring the kinkier side of life with a partner is communication. To help you effectively introduce kink — without scaring your partner, here’s a list of tips and tricks for letting your freak flag fly.
The first step in communicating your kinks with a partner is to figure out what those kinks are. “Yes/No/Maybe” lists are a great and fun way to learn what you or your partner may be interested in.
- Write a list of kinks that you and your partner can choose from.
- Circle kinks that interest you, strike out the NOs, and put question marks around the maybes.
- Rank and categorize each act on the list by whether you want to be the giver or receiver.
This activity is a good way to learn what turns you on and can get your partner excited about trying something they’re not used to.
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Use pop-culture references and hypotheticals
When you think kink, most people automatically reference “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Watching the movies, together, could be a great way to move closer into the kinky lifestyle you want. Another tip is to search out porn that explores the particular kink of interest and watch together. Using a book or movie as a reference allows you to bring up the topic in a hypothetical type of way which can be an easier way to gauge your partner’s reaction.
Start off slow
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Introduce one or two kinks at a time. Doing too much, too soon, can result in an anxiety attack and full shut down. If you’re interested in paddling instead of bringing out a huge paddle start by introducing open-handed light swats on the butt. If bondage is something that interests you, start with handcuffs instead of ropes. Remember, baby steps.
Get some toys
Throw sex toys into the mix. Adding sex toys into your sexual repertoire is a good way to provide kinkier options. Using sex toys allows exploring of new sexual sensations. Sex toys like the vibrating cock ring or a small vibrating bullet can be used on most bodies. You can also try adding a new lube into the mix as well; any new thing to turn both of you on and get you both giggling excitedly in the bedroom will make sex kinkier.
At the end of the day, this is all about exploring, so let yourself try new things even if it feels a little awkward at first. It’s equally important to note that with any aspect of kink to always have constant communication and regular check-ins — consent is key and making sure your partner is receptive is highly important.
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Hey y'all - I'm Coco, The Conversational Freak, your intimate health and behavior coach, and I've unfortunately witnessed too many women suffer in silence, struggle with body positivity, and deal with the daily nuances of being a woman
From luxurious candles that fill the room with warmth to thoughtful gadgets that keep the connection strong, these products are designed to enhance those intimate moments.
Courtesy of pexels.com A couple’s sex life is one of the most important aspects to a healthy successful relationship. The act blends the mind and the body — the physical and the emotional — into one. It brings people, especially those in a relationship built off of trust and love, closer together. Since sex plays such an essential role in love and marriage, the downs of sexual desire can be daunting. When the once highly anticipated act in a relationship becomes more of a responsibility, it can put a damper on the overall experience. However, it’s important to know that having a low sex drive at any given point is not abnormal. “A low sex drive is basically you do not have as much interest in sex as you may have once had, … so a low sex drive is relative to you and your experience,” says Dr. Donna Oriowo, a sex and relationship therapist. “There's always going to be ebbs and flows in the ways that we experience our sexual desire and our libido.” Related Articles: Been Married For Years and Hit a Sexual Plateau? Consider These Tips It’s Possible! I Rekindled My Sex Life in My 30-Year Relationship The Ultimate List of Intimacy-Boosting Products for Couples External factors, such as eating habits and stress levels, all contribute to the ebbs and flows of your sex drive. Oriowo tells Black Love that these factors play into sexual response cycles, specifically William Masters and Virginia Johnson four-stage linear model. From data they collected, they found that the four stages of human sexual response are excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. In 1979, Helen Kaplan took it a step further, adding desire as the first stage. Oriowo says that if people experience a successful cycle and a good resolution that will increase their desire and sex drive. However, when they have a poor experience, often influenced by those hidden external factors, it can contribute to the low sex drive. In agreement with Oriowo, licensed marriage and family therapist Rabiia Ali says that when it comes to sex, everything is connected. “When one part of it is off, everything can be off,” Ali tells Black Love. “If you are experiencing stressful situations, you may not have the capacity to be able to even feel sexual or physical sexual feelings, and that definitely could impact your sex drive.” The status of your mental, physical and emotional health outside of the bedroom impacts the experience you may have within it. If you are experiencing a low sex drive, these five things may be secretly interfering with your bedroom experience. Stress Courtesy of Canva.com Stress is prevalent in the Black community, with people reporting experiencing stress at a higher rate than their white counterparts. In today’s political and social climate, people are more stressed than ever. “One of the biggest things that goes into a low self sex drive is how we're feeling,” Oriowo tells Black Love. “Now, people are experiencing more stress than they have ever experienced before. It makes sense because people are having less sex than they have ever had before.” Low Self-Esteem The way that you feel about yourself plays a major role in your performance in the bedroom. With society’s unattainable beauty standards, it’s easy to put pressure on yourself to look a certain way. Sex requires you to be in your most vulnerable state with your partner. If you are not comfortable in your looks and your own skin, you can shy away from it. Low self-esteem and confidence may be the cause of your low sex drive. Diet The foods that you eat and the amount of water you consume plays a pivotal role in your sexual performance. Alcohol, along with other drugs, could also negatively impact your sex drive. “When clients are coming in and they're saying that they are not having strong orgasms, or they're not able to get erect, one of the first things I ask them about is their water consumption and their diets,” Oriowo says. “Eat what you normally eat, and add in foods that are high in antioxidants [and that] help with blood flow.” Courtesy of Unsplash.com Lack of Interest A good sexual experience combines an emotional connection with an intense physical attraction. If you have a lower sex drive with your partner, one reason could be that you are no longer interested in them. When the connection that you are experiencing with your partner is diminishing or is lost, it can be difficult to maintain an active sex life. Fatigue When you come home after a long day of work and complete all of your household chores, you may be exhausted. Without the proper amount of rest and relaxation, your body won’t be in the best position to perform in the bedroom. Make sure to get between seven and nine hours of sleep a night. Adults who sleep less than 7 hours may have more health issues, including low sex drive.
