Courtesy of LaToya Scott Brown
Courtesy of LaToya Scott Brown
Courtesy of LaToya Scott Brown
Let’s talk about scheduling sex! Yes, putting time on the calendar for you and your partner to get it on. It may not sound romantic, but LaToya Scott Brown, a married mom of two from NYC, says it can be more fun than you think!
Even after 10 years of marriage, LaToya is just as passionate about “sexy time” than ever before. She tells staging-blacklove.kinsta.cloud that being intentional about making love to her husband at least twice a week is part of the formula that makes everyone in her house happier.
“Life is busy. You’re a mom — if you’re a working mom it’s even worse — so it’s really easy for us to think of everyone instead of ourselves,” she shares, “It makes everybody happier. He is happier for it, and there aren’t any women or energies out there that are attracting him because he gets everything that he needs within himself at home.”
LaToya goes on to say, “making sure that your husband feels desired is a really big deal.”
“I am friends with a lot of married people. You don’t really know or understand just how miserable some married people are until you really talk to them and get into it,” she says, “I tell all of my married girlfriends to initiate sex. It’s not just important to have sex at least twice a week, and twice being the absolute bare minimum, you should be initiating it.”
LaToya and her husband Andre opened up about their twice-a-week rule on Season 1 of Black Love, before the birth of their second child. Now, as a family of four, she enthusiastically says the rule still applies “more so now than ever before.”
“I needed it more during that time,” LaToya admits. “You don’t feel as attractive after you have a baby, and I felt like initiating more frequently and staying on top of our sex life sort of helped me maintain a certain part of me… a certain control over my own happiness and my own self-esteem.”
So, what exactly are the rules to making this sex schedule thing work? For the Browns, it’s all about spontaneity and getting the kids involved.
Credit: AdeLove.com
“You want to stay away from things that are too routine or too boring,” LaToya says matter-of-factly. She keeps a schedule but doesn’t share the details or dates with her husband.
“It’s something I keep for me,” she reveals. “It’s important for me to maintain that atmosphere in my relationship by always plotting and planning on him. So, he never knows on any given week what he’s going to get with me.”
For the Browns, it’s important for their kids to see them show an abundance of affection toward each other.
“They see us holding hands, kissing, and hugging,” LaToya shares. “The kids know it’s “mommy-daddy time” so we’re gonna go out to the playground. It’s important that they see us as a separate entity and not just mommy and daddy.
“You are the model for them. You are what they are going to grow up and be,” she adds. “It’s letting the kids in on the whole concept that you are individuals, not just mommy/daddy but a couple.”
Credit: mpasho.co.ke
Keep in mind that it does not always have to be full-blown sex. A playful make-out session or oral sex can also add intimacy and spice.
While planned sex may not work for everybody, LaToya knows it’s the right recipe for her relationship.
“This is my second marriage, so I made a lot of mistakes in my first marriage that I corrected in my second marriage. It just works for me, and we are so much happier for it.”
Related Articles
Hey y'all - I'm Coco, The Conversational Freak, your intimate health and behavior coach, and I've unfortunately witnessed too many women suffer in silence, struggle with body positivity, and deal with the daily nuances of being a woman
From luxurious candles that fill the room with warmth to thoughtful gadgets that keep the connection strong, these products are designed to enhance those intimate moments.
Courtesy of pexels.com A couple’s sex life is one of the most important aspects to a healthy successful relationship. The act blends the mind and the body — the physical and the emotional — into one. It brings people, especially those in a relationship built off of trust and love, closer together. Since sex plays such an essential role in love and marriage, the downs of sexual desire can be daunting. When the once highly anticipated act in a relationship becomes more of a responsibility, it can put a damper on the overall experience. However, it’s important to know that having a low sex drive at any given point is not abnormal. “A low sex drive is basically you do not have as much interest in sex as you may have once had, … so a low sex drive is relative to you and your experience,” says Dr. Donna Oriowo, a sex and relationship therapist. “There's always going to be ebbs and flows in the ways that we experience our sexual desire and our libido.” Related Articles: Been Married For Years and Hit a Sexual Plateau? Consider These Tips It’s Possible! I Rekindled My Sex Life in My 30-Year Relationship The Ultimate List of Intimacy-Boosting Products for Couples External factors, such as eating habits and stress levels, all contribute to the ebbs and flows of your sex drive. Oriowo tells Black Love that these factors play into sexual response cycles, specifically William Masters and Virginia Johnson four-stage linear model. From data they collected, they found that the four stages of human sexual response are excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. In 1979, Helen Kaplan took it a step further, adding desire as the first stage. Oriowo says that if people experience a successful cycle and a good resolution that will increase their desire and sex drive. However, when they have a poor experience, often influenced by those hidden external factors, it can contribute to the low sex drive. In agreement with Oriowo, licensed marriage and family therapist Rabiia Ali says that when it comes to sex, everything is connected. “When one part of it is off, everything can be off,” Ali tells Black Love. “If you are experiencing stressful situations, you may not have the capacity to be able to even feel sexual or physical sexual feelings, and that definitely could impact your sex drive.” The status of your mental, physical and emotional health outside of the bedroom impacts the experience you may have within it. If you are experiencing a low sex drive, these five things may be secretly interfering with your bedroom experience. Stress Courtesy of Canva.com Stress is prevalent in the Black community, with people reporting experiencing stress at a higher rate than their white counterparts. In today’s political and social climate, people are more stressed than ever. “One of the biggest things that goes into a low self sex drive is how we're feeling,” Oriowo tells Black Love. “Now, people are experiencing more stress than they have ever experienced before. It makes sense because people are having less sex than they have ever had before.” Low Self-Esteem The way that you feel about yourself plays a major role in your performance in the bedroom. With society’s unattainable beauty standards, it’s easy to put pressure on yourself to look a certain way. Sex requires you to be in your most vulnerable state with your partner. If you are not comfortable in your looks and your own skin, you can shy away from it. Low self-esteem and confidence may be the cause of your low sex drive. Diet The foods that you eat and the amount of water you consume plays a pivotal role in your sexual performance. Alcohol, along with other drugs, could also negatively impact your sex drive. “When clients are coming in and they're saying that they are not having strong orgasms, or they're not able to get erect, one of the first things I ask them about is their water consumption and their diets,” Oriowo says. “Eat what you normally eat, and add in foods that are high in antioxidants [and that] help with blood flow.” Courtesy of Unsplash.com Lack of Interest A good sexual experience combines an emotional connection with an intense physical attraction. If you have a lower sex drive with your partner, one reason could be that you are no longer interested in them. When the connection that you are experiencing with your partner is diminishing or is lost, it can be difficult to maintain an active sex life. Fatigue When you come home after a long day of work and complete all of your household chores, you may be exhausted. Without the proper amount of rest and relaxation, your body won’t be in the best position to perform in the bedroom. Make sure to get between seven and nine hours of sleep a night. Adults who sleep less than 7 hours may have more health issues, including low sex drive.
