couple cuddling (Courtesy of pexels.com)
Courtesy of pexels.com
Courtesy of pexels.com
Gene Moore described marriage and love best in the third season of “Couch Conversations.” Sitting on the couch, with his wife LaShanna Moore’s arm intertwined in his own, he said that marriage is a “beautiful interruption” that pushes each individual to choose to be selfless daily. For Moore, it’s a challenge that he willingly embraces solely because of the love that he has for his wife.
While it’s not always easy, successful relationships require deep respect, care and connection. It goes beyond the physical and explores something richer. Intimacy, a term that often is used interchangeably with sex, is the foundation for every strong relationship.
“Intimacy is how close [or] connected you feel to your partner emotionally,” says Quinelle Hickman, a licensed therapist and the CEO of Counseling to Comfort. “It speaks to how vulnerable you are with your partner.”
LaShaunna Moore describes intimacy as the “sixth love language.” To her, it is the unspoken communication between her and her husband. “It’s the deepest part of being able to learn each other and being able to speak each other’s language,” she says.
Although sex can be a form of intimacy, Hickman believes that the two terms are different and can exist without the other. If you ever wondered the difference between intimacy and sex, Hickman broke down the definitions for Black Love.
Intimacy Relies on Words and Actions, While Sex Focuses on the Body
The growth of a couple’s intimacy levels depends on all of the actions performed and the words spoken. “Intimacy is how connected words and actions can make you,” Hickman tells Black Love. “Sex is how close the body can make you.”
Whether it’s subtle touches or a reaffirming sweet nothing, intimacy deepens the relationship with your partner outside of physical interactions.
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Intimacy Exists Outside the Bedroom, While Sex Doesn’t
“Couch Conversations” Season 3 guest Chance Brown described intimacy as the smaller moments between him and his wife, content creator Tabitha Brown.
“Intimacy to me is laying on the couch watching TV and falling asleep together,” he says. “Being able to take a car ride with no destination – just being in each other’s presence. Sometimes intimacy is not even having to talk [and] just being amongst one another. But, knowing that if I’m not going to talk [and] if I don’t have anything to say that it’s okay and I’m with the person that I want to be with.”
In order to build an unbreakable bond, friendship and love outside of the bedroom is essential. As Brown described, those moments define a long-lasting love.
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The Black Love Guide to Love, Sex and Intimacy
When My Husband and I Increased Intimacy, the Sex Was Even Better
Intimacy is True Closeness, While Sex Can Create a False Sense
While many couples agree that waiting to have sex is hard, they acknowledge how much better their sex life is when they reach true closeness. Hickman notes that intimacy is the “mental, spiritual and emotional aspect of a relationship that can be felt without the physical.” Brown acknowledges feeling a difference in his sex life when they deepened their intimacy.
“I remember times with sex when I felt like it was my wife doing her duties and there was no connection and that ain’t the same,” Brown recalls. “At 42, now, I can look back and I can say what that stems from.”
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Intimacy is Emotional, While Sex is Physical
With intimacy, the five love languages — quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, gift giving and acts of service – are paramount. Since intimacy relies on how close you are to your partner and how you express your love, it is ruled by how you make your partner feel seen every day, rather than how you make them feel in a moment of passion.
To build intimacy in your relationship, try practicing all five love languages and focus on the ones your partner finds most fulfilling. For example, if they love acts of service, pick up a few extra chores around the house or help them with a task. If they love words of affirmation, tell them how much you love them and why. All of these tasks can help build intimacy, leading to a closer and happier relationship.
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Hey y'all - I'm Coco, The Conversational Freak, your intimate health and behavior coach, and I've unfortunately witnessed too many women suffer in silence, struggle with body positivity, and deal with the daily nuances of being a woman
From luxurious candles that fill the room with warmth to thoughtful gadgets that keep the connection strong, these products are designed to enhance those intimate moments.
Courtesy of pexels.com A couple’s sex life is one of the most important aspects to a healthy successful relationship. The act blends the mind and the body — the physical and the emotional — into one. It brings people, especially those in a relationship built off of trust and love, closer together. Since sex plays such an essential role in love and marriage, the downs of sexual desire can be daunting. When the once highly anticipated act in a relationship becomes more of a responsibility, it can put a damper on the overall experience. However, it’s important to know that having a low sex drive at any given point is not abnormal. “A low sex drive is basically you do not have as much interest in sex as you may have once had, … so a low sex drive is relative to you and your experience,” says Dr. Donna Oriowo, a sex and relationship therapist. “There's always going to be ebbs and flows in the ways that we experience our sexual desire and our libido.” Related Articles: Been Married For Years and Hit a Sexual Plateau? Consider These Tips It’s Possible! I Rekindled My Sex Life in My 30-Year Relationship The Ultimate List of Intimacy-Boosting Products for Couples External factors, such as eating habits and stress levels, all contribute to the ebbs and flows of your sex drive. Oriowo tells Black Love that these factors play into sexual response cycles, specifically William Masters and Virginia Johnson four-stage linear model. From data they collected, they found that the four stages of human sexual response are excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. In 1979, Helen Kaplan took it a step further, adding desire as the first stage. Oriowo says that if people experience a successful cycle and a good resolution that will increase their desire and sex drive. However, when they have a poor experience, often influenced by those hidden external factors, it can contribute to the low sex drive. In agreement with Oriowo, licensed marriage and family therapist Rabiia Ali says that when it comes to sex, everything is connected. “When one part of it is off, everything can be off,” Ali tells Black Love. “If you are experiencing stressful situations, you may not have the capacity to be able to even feel sexual or physical sexual feelings, and that definitely could impact your sex drive.” The status of your mental, physical and emotional health outside of the bedroom impacts the experience you may have within it. If you are experiencing a low sex drive, these five things may be secretly interfering with your bedroom experience. Stress Courtesy of Canva.com Stress is prevalent in the Black community, with people reporting experiencing stress at a higher rate than their white counterparts. In today’s political and social climate, people are more stressed than ever. “One of the biggest things that goes into a low self sex drive is how we're feeling,” Oriowo tells Black Love. “Now, people are experiencing more stress than they have ever experienced before. It makes sense because people are having less sex than they have ever had before.” Low Self-Esteem The way that you feel about yourself plays a major role in your performance in the bedroom. With society’s unattainable beauty standards, it’s easy to put pressure on yourself to look a certain way. Sex requires you to be in your most vulnerable state with your partner. If you are not comfortable in your looks and your own skin, you can shy away from it. Low self-esteem and confidence may be the cause of your low sex drive. Diet The foods that you eat and the amount of water you consume plays a pivotal role in your sexual performance. Alcohol, along with other drugs, could also negatively impact your sex drive. “When clients are coming in and they're saying that they are not having strong orgasms, or they're not able to get erect, one of the first things I ask them about is their water consumption and their diets,” Oriowo says. “Eat what you normally eat, and add in foods that are high in antioxidants [and that] help with blood flow.” Courtesy of Unsplash.com Lack of Interest A good sexual experience combines an emotional connection with an intense physical attraction. If you have a lower sex drive with your partner, one reason could be that you are no longer interested in them. When the connection that you are experiencing with your partner is diminishing or is lost, it can be difficult to maintain an active sex life. Fatigue When you come home after a long day of work and complete all of your household chores, you may be exhausted. Without the proper amount of rest and relaxation, your body won’t be in the best position to perform in the bedroom. Make sure to get between seven and nine hours of sleep a night. Adults who sleep less than 7 hours may have more health issues, including low sex drive.
