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When we commit to “for better or for worse,” we hope “till death do us part” won’t arrive until decades later. No one wants to face the unimaginable tragedy of losing the love of their life. Learning how to balance grief with self-love is critical for the widowed as they adjust to their new normal. “Death will make you see things differently,” says Daveia Odoi, reflecting on how her perspective shifted after her husband, Edmund, died. Odoi is an illustrator and the brilliant mind behind The DynaSmiles, offering one-of-a-kind stationery, clothing, and gifts. The inspirational art instills happiness and has gone viral for its quirky and uplifting depictions of Black joy. “Black Love” docu-series alum Tabitha Brown recently gushed over the Christmas sweatshirt and highlighted the business on her YouTube series, “Very Good Mondays.” Odoi worked in corporate America for 10 years while offering custom designs on the side until Edmund encouraged her to commodify her artwork full-time. Launched in 2009, Odoi’s venture steadily flourished, evolving from bridal shower invites to a full line of items. 

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In the fall of 2019, they received the grim news of Edmund’s diagnosis with Stage 4 stomach cancer. “He came home from work one day not feeling well, and he took half a day — that’s not like him,” she recalls. “It was over the summer. He was the type of person who always worked and for him to take a day off, I knew in that moment, something was wrong. I had no idea it was cancer.” She continues, “We’ve been through some serious times together. So when this happened, I just remember hearing the news and never in a million years thought him passing away was the outcome. I felt like it was very surreal. I felt like I was watching a TV show. It never felt like it was my life. Numbing is another word I would use. Very numbing.” Married for over 11 years, the couple’s union produced two children: a son who is now 12 and a daughter who is six. Odoi notes how certain events aligned to prepare her for life without her best friend and children’s father. A month prior to Edmund’s diagnosis, his family traveled from Ghana and the U.K. to the U.S. to celebrate his 40th birthday. This rare occurrence came just in time for his last trip around the sun. There was also the timing of her parents’ retirement and relocation to Georgia. When they found out about Edmund’s illness, they considered waiting, yet he insisted they proceed with their plans. 

During the pandemic in March 2020, the Odois spent their final moments together. “Looking back, I know God was with us the whole time because when the world shut down, we were together every single day for two to three weeks,” she recalls. Edmund died in April 2020. Soon after Edmund’s death, Odoi and her children relocated from New Jersey to Georgia, to live with her parents. Once there, she did not create any new designs for two years. Fortunately, financial stability was one less burden she had to endure because of Edmund’s proactive planning with life insurance prior to his passing. This was another sign of how the devoted husband and father prepared the family for his absence. She urges families within the Black community to make sure they have coverage before tragedy strikes. “I didn’t purposely say, ‘Okay, for the next two years, I’m doing nothing,’ she shares. “It’s just that it took two years before I was able to draw again. Just understanding where we were. Finally I opened my eyes to the reality we were in. I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t mad. But at the same time, God showed me He still had us. He was still taking care of us.” 

Support from her parents, as well as her late husband’s motivational mindset, are key to Odoi’s balance of grief and self-love.

“A lot of it has to do with what was instilled in me growing up, knowing that we’re not here for ourselves, learning that it’s better to give than to receive, knowing that what we put out into the world is what we’ll get back. Another part of it is knowing my husband’s heart,” she says. “He was an encourager. He knew how to speak to you to make you understand that it’s not as bad as you think it is, no matter what it was, no matter the situation. He would never, ever want me broken to the point where I can’t function anymore.”

The Marvel movie fan says solo movie dates were a part of how she coped and gained clarity after her move to Georgia. She has grown to truly understand how life is a gift that can be taken away in an instant. She avoids the urge to dwell in the heaviness of her grief while improving the brand her late husband supported. Learning how her mood affects her children has also been a factor. She teaches them that their father’s death is only one part of their story. 

 

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Something else that helps her heal is genuine connection with her customers via candid IG posts about her life as a small business owner who gives zero stars and does not recommend grieving while building a brand and raising children. She also shares past moments with Edmund that are now treasured memories. Her reels highlight authentic insight as she pivots through real life. She believes the increase in mental health advocacy has created a space for her to share her grief with others who may have a similar journey. “I started sharing not to gain sympathy, but to gain understanding. When God does something for us, we can’t keep it. We have to share it,” she says.

Both Odoi and her children have attended group therapy, and she plans for them to begin individual sessions soon. She acknowledges grief as an inevitable and, at times, unbearable part of life, yet the artist in her remembers that broken crayons still color. “One of my favorite quotes says, ‘If you haven’t grieved anything, that just means you haven’t lived long enough yet,'” she says. “We have the joy and sorrow. These emotions are normal, and that’s how we exist. We have the sun and the moon. We have day and night. We have good times and bad times. That’s just how life is. And yes, it’s difficult, but life keeps going, so we have to learn how to keep going.