The Art of Dating: Part I
If you're looking to date with intention and cultivate meaningful connections with potential partners, join staging-blacklove.kinsta.cloud and dating app BLK to talk about the Art of Dating.
Dating Yourself and Solo Long-Term Projects
How a solo long-term project helped Arynetta Floyzelle get to know herself, provided a career breakthrough, and landed her in a foreign country.
How Dating a Dad Helped Me Deal With My Daddy Issues
She didn’t think her father’s incarceration affected her adult life, until she hit rock bottom and had to find her way back up.
How to Approach a Woman
Black Love contributor Briana Johnson-Sims shares the dos and don'ts on how to approach women to date and court.
In Search Of: Self-Love
Here’s what going on 25 first dates in one year taught staging-blacklove.kinsta.cloud columnist Brook Sitgraves Turner about finding your soulmate.
The 1 Essential Rule to Dating Yourself This Year
Senior editor, Arynetta Floyzelle, explores "doing it all" with the one essential rule to successfully dating yourself this year.
How Ashlee Akins Knew She Was Ready to Love
Ashlee Akins from OWN’s Ready to Love shares her journey on the show, what led her there, and what she learned about herself through introspection, honesty, self love, and care.
How to Date Yourself
I’ve always loved my single life. Scratch that — I’ve always loved my life. Thinking about it as a single girl’s existence usually only came up when in the company of coupled people. That’s when I most often found myself pattering on about if there was someone new, special, or worthy of the “we.” If there was, I committed to blushing gushes about “the guy.” If not, it was stated, then we rolled on to other topics –– and there were plenty of other topics. My life was full, and the “single” aspect of it was just one aspect. I was open to whatever couplings life brought — including the ultimate coupling, my husband — but I didn’t trick myself into prioritizing something I was not ready for. As a child and into adulthood, I thought about –– even fantasized about –– my wedding. But it was more the magazine spread edition: what I would wear, where it would be, what that first kiss as a married couple would look like. It was like I was always planning the Instagram post. I know, I know, I can already hear the mumblings of “this is why we have a 50% divorce rate in this country.” What I am trying to say is: aware that I wasn't ready for the complexity and depth of marriage, it was easiest to focus on the surface –– the wedding. In my twenties, as friend after friend paired off into ever-after, I eagerly planned bridal showers, enthusiastically performed bachelorette duties, and loved getting lost in the romance of the wedding day. But I never felt the pressure to find dates for weddings or events, or to be paired off myself. My life was about entertainment and work — far too often, in that order. I loved only having to think about me — who I wanted to visit, what country I wanted to live in, what jobs I wanted to take. I loved the get-up-and-go freedom of single life, and I considered myself a “girl on the go.” I would bounce to South Beach on a wing and a prayer with just enough money for a four-girl room share at the dingiest hotel on the strip, with my return flight landing just in time for me to drag myself to work. My closet was packed with sassy dresses and flirty heels to support my “living it up” lifestyle and, when I couldn’t afford a new “look”, I prided myself on my ability to construct a ballgown from a tablecloth and a safety pin. I didn’t have to consult anybody when I decided to move to London for grad school, or when I decided to move back. And this freedom went for the tough times, too. When a family member was involved in a serious car accident, I didn’t have to consult with anyone to move to be closer to them, and when I found myself in debt after two unexpected surgeries, I didn’t have to consult with anyone to move in with my parents to get out of it. I was only responsible for myself, and it was up to me if I wanted to honor or ignore that responsibility. Sometimes, the choice was a coin toss.
In Search Of: Fulfillment
Reiki, paddleboard yoga, oat milk, magic candles and love. Follow Brook Sitgraves Turner as she uses the art of attraction to attract a like-minded partner into her life.
Gratitude is the Attitude
Gratitude is the attitude this holiday season. With that in mind, staging-blacklove.kinsta.cloud’s editorial contributors reflect on 2018 and share what they are grateful for. In this edition, Senior Editor Arynetta Floyzelle talks her return to Los Angeles, the wonders of wisdom, and the life-altering power of self love. As 2018 rolls to an end — almost as swiftly as it started, it seems — I sit in reflection of the year and all of the beauty it has bestowed on me. There are plenty of tangibles in my life to be grateful for: finally feeling at home in a new city populated with lovely friends, some I have known my entire life, some I’ve met since my arrival; an address, as for a very long time I was guest bedroom-hopping; the health of my family, loved ones, and self; my representation and all the work they do for me; living so close to an Erewhon; and, my position at Black Love and all of the joy and freedom it has brought me.
The 3 Simple (but Necessary) Rules to Dating Yourself
The “Single Girl Rut” can be hard to break and should not be taken lightly. But with strategy, determination, and these three simple (but necessary) rules, one woman is breaking the cycle, one date at a time.
Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
Yvette Bennett was in an abusive relationship when a friend asked her one fateful question: “Do you love yourself?” Answering that question would transform her life into one of her dreams, it would allow her to accept her sexuality and show her the amazing rewards of unconditional self-love.
Black Love Summit: By the Hour
On Sunday, October 7th, couples and singles alike convened on Los Angeles, California at the W Hotel Hollywood for the first ever Black Love Summit. Codie & Tommy Oliver, the couple that created the BLACK LOVE series on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) invited experts, celebrities and couples featured on the show to dig deeper into their personal stories and fellowship on fostering healthy relationships. Below are some of the highlights from this inaugural event.
Black Love: Family Influence and the Power of Communication
Black Love Doc is back in full swing, and I am here for ALL of it. As my friends and I approach our 30’s, we’re continually thinking about marriage and being with the “right” partner, whether we admit it or not. Our clock is ticking. However, not all of that pressure is self-inflicted. Some of that pressure, especially for my friends who grew up in the South, comes from our families. Family has an important influence on the relationships we seek. In fact, sometimes that influence can be destructive. On episode two of Black Love, actors Sterling K. Brown and Ryan Michelle Bathe discussed the influence Ryan’s family had early on in their relationship: “I would say for the first, that whole year, the biggest part was how much my family, my mother and my grandmother, in particular, hated him, and they just kept [saying] It’s going to go bad’,” she continued, “It’s almost like that self-fulfilling prophecy. You can poison something and then be like ‘See, I told you it was poison’ –– yea, because you just poisoned it.” Ryan revealed that a lot of the challenges they faced were because of her family: “I will say that created the first, and sort of deep, fissure in our relationships, and had that not happened, a lot of the things that happened in our relationship, probably wouldn’t have happened.” The couple has been married for 11 years. However, Sterling and Ryan admitted for the first time on Black Love that her family impacted the effort, or lack thereof, Ryan put into their union. “I always had a wall somewhere…and one foot in and one foot out for a very long time. It was not a healthy dynamic,” she shared.
What the Return of ‘Black Love’ Taught Me About The Power in Knowing My Worth
Do you realize there’s a difference between loving yourself and knowing your worth? Tina Knowles and Niecy Nash tell how learning and accepting their worth led to love the second time around. Think about it. So many women, including myself, are generally conditioned to believe that we need to attract men, and once we find a man who loves us, then we should be happy. Jaleesa Lashay Diaz, Journalist Growing up, I remember being raised on how to “behave” in order to demonstrate self-respect and carry myself with dignity. It’s not to say that dignity is a bad thing, but somehow those images of what a lady should be seemed closely aligned with the ideals of what “attracts” a man. So along with this lesson of how to “behave”, I also internalized that you need to find a man that loves you, and if you’re that lucky, cherish that man, and do whatever you can to keep him, because there’s a chance that you’ll never find that love again.
Sanaa Lathan’s Big Chop
Netflix’s Nappily Ever After did a bold thing by making a movie with a talented, well-loved, veteran actress also known for being drop dead gorgeous....and stripping her of her hair. But, do you know who else was bold? Sanaa Lathan, the film’s star, who actually shaved her head for the film.
In Search Of: An Explanation
What does a 31-year-old single woman with a complicated romantic history do when she realizes, “Hey, maybe it’s me”?
In Search Of: Inside Intel (A Man’s Perspective)
“You didn’t really say anything about yourself in this.” I’d just shown my one straight, male friend my Bumble bio. We were mid-dinner and he took a break from chewing to address this. His reaction seemed to suggest that I couldn’t blame my lackluster matches on the stats for response rates to black women on dating apps -- I was, more likely, the problem. How? I wasn’t quite sure, but I needed to know. “Wait, what do you mean?” I asked. “I’m just saying your bio basically screams, ‘You’re trash., I’m certain of it.’ And gives absolutely no details about yourself.” “I said I was tall.” “True, but then you basically said, if you’re short…don’t bother. It’s like you’re trying to be funny--but from what I know about you, it’s a defense mechanism.” I was not defensive…I wanted commitment, dammit! Plus, as someone who’s had my fair share of not-so-great sexual experiences, I was totally over the arrogance of men who believed women would want to have casual sex with someone who didn’t care enough to locate the clitoris. “Look, I’m not here for ‘waste-my-time-2018.’ And most of y’all want our time and bodies for so little in return.” At this moment, he took personal offense. “That’s a bold assumption,” he shot back. “When I met my girlfriend, I was looking for something! You always say I’m the cynical one, but I don’t know…” “But wait, if I were a cheese, what would I be?” He looked at me, blinking, before returning to his ramen. He didn’t know where to begin. As someone open to criticism, I quickly took his advice and typed up a sincere account of my personal history and traits. I’m from Ohio. I ran track in college and moved to LA where I am passionately pursuing my writing career. I love the outdoors, my new puppy, spending time with family, and I am tall. He took a look at my new bio, laughed, then said, “Better. So, do you trust me?” I did. Then he got to swiping for me.
Me Mode vs. Mom Mode
By weekday, she takes care of the kids, cleans the house, and is the consummate “PTA Mom”. But come Friday nights, the Louboutins and lipstick come out to play – and it’s none of your business whether they play nice. Ya know, being a single mom has its ups and has its downs. The all-encompassing effort is so difficult that I don't know if I'll ever find the words to describe it, but all my single moms know what I'm talking about. My kids give me so much joy; my whole life is wrapped around them. But I've found in the last 18 months that there are two very distinct Veronikas. There's the "Mom Mode" and there's the "Me Mode." And you have to protect both, you have to protect both. When I'm in "Mom Mode" somehow, no matter how exhausted I am, or how difficult my day has been, I manage to get out of bed every morning at 5:30 am. I pull my hair into a ponytail, get all five of my children dressed and ready, and am out the door no later than 6:45 am. I drive in Los Angeles traffic for over three hours a day to get kids to school, to practice, and to events. I usually have dinner cooked by noon, because if I don't, it won't be ready in time. I get all the little babies – ages two, three, and four – in the bath no later than 7:00 pm and into bed by 8:30 pm. It's not extraordinary what I do – it's necessary. It's my job. Nobody gets brownie points for going to work and doing their job. So, I do my job proudly. I do it with every fiber of my being and it is the great joy of my life to be a mother.
