Courtesy of Ashleigh Coffie

As long as I can remember, media outlets have been a key source to know all the happenings in celebrities’ dating life. Whether it is a magazine article or an online blog, people have access to and knowledge about engagements to marriages, and breakups to makeups. With times changing in the modern dating pool, there is a concern that people may not find “the one,” especially in the Black community. While there are different reasons why people change their relationship statuses, it is apparent to recognize that the expectations we may have of our potential partners today differ from the expectations of our parents and grandparents back when they were dating or getting married.

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According to Pew Research, 53% of daters find it difficult to find a partner who has the same relationship goals, and 43% of daters say it is difficult to find a partner that meets their expectations. Since there is much more access to options in potential partners, people have been approaching relationships differently. But, there is still an aspiration to jump the broom. So to encourage other Black couples who are looking to get married, podcast host Ashleigh Coffie made it her mission to show that Black love and marriage is still largely represented. It has been important for Coffie to bring hope back to the community, even when things may look different from decades prior. 

“I think that because society has changed so much, we [women and men] advocate for ourselves differently for what we want romantically. When you look at our grandparents and great-grandparents, the thought of a family or marriage had different purposes compared to today. Back then, there was an economic benefit to getting married. Now that we are not as reliant on a partner to accomplish economic goals or status, we have more autonomy and ownership of all the areas that go into relationships.”

While Coffie was growing up, she had multiple representations of what Black marriage looked like. So when Coffie got older, and it was time to plan for her own wedding, she was determined to seek out knowledge and support in the wedding space. However, as the then-bride-to-be continued to dive deeper, she realized there was a lack of representation of Black and Brown people who could provide expert advice on the matter. Knowing that she was probably not alone in feeling like this, Coffie decided to create a safe space on TikTok for women who looked like her and needed that extra help. With this platform, Coffie wanted to show the ins and outs of Black weddings and information alike with a podcast called “Hue I Do.”

 

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A post shared by Hue I Do Wedding Podcast • FKA The Black Wedding Podcast (@hueidowed)

“When I knew I was getting engaged, I started researching different things. I started listening to wedding podcasts, and what I kept finding was that mostly all the podcasts were hosted by white women. The guests they would have on the shows were mostly white women and sometimes queer white men. I didn’t feel like my types of weddings were being represented. So I decided to create that space that while I navigated the wedding space, I am able to learn about things that you may not be privy to otherwise. I wanted to speak to the mental, physical, emotional, and financial standpoints that go into planning a Black wedding. I asked my best friend to be my co-host, and eventually, we launched “Hue I Do” in August 2019. We just hit 150 episodes last month.”

She continued, “It has been so necessary and needed. Being Black in this space is already not as celebrated as it should be. You have those people where you want to celebrate and plan for a huge display. But, then you get critiqued on why you would spend this certain amount of money on your wedding. People have been minimizing the excitement that comes with a wedding and tell us we should focus on something else instead.”

After receiving a large number of subscribers and positive responses from “Hue I Do,” Coffie wanted to take things a step further and remind people why she started this journey in the first place. This time, it was beyond wedding planning. The content creator wanted to shine light and celebrate the ups and downs of infamous Black marriages throughout history. So at the beginning of February 2023, using the same TikTok platform, Coffie created a video series called “Aisle Tell You What.” With this, the influencer tapped into a new market that not only has helped her, but others as well, when it comes to views on marriage.

@aisletellyouwhat Replying to @J.W. Sheila Johnson won. She became the first Black woman billionaire, is the owner of a luxury resort brand, and found what she always wanted: love. #aisletellyouwhat #sheilajohnson #judgewilliamnewman #williamtnewman #lifeafterdivorce #blackhistory ♬ original sound – Aisle Tell You What by Hueido

“With ‘Aisle Tell You What,’ Black History Month was approaching, and I wanted to continue to show the value of what ‘Hue I Do’ outside of planning weddings. So I challenged myself to find weddings that have occurred throughout history and details behind the marriage. By doing this, I was starting to get recommendations and people were tuning in every single day. When I noticed this, I knew this couldn’t just end at the end of February. The series evolved into me diving into notable and not-so-notable figures and their marriages. Finding the different parts to these stories, I found so fascinating.”

While “Aisle Tell You What” shows the glitz and glamour of iconic Black weddings, it also humanizes the complexities of relationships that couples can go through. After researching dozens of idols we have learned to love over time, “Aisle Tell You What” has covered legendary marriages like Sidney Poitier and Juanita Hardy, interracial marriages like James Brown and Adrienne Martinez, and marriages with controversial spouses such as Camille and Bill Cosby. But according to Coffie, there are two stories that stood out to her the most.

“It was the marriage between Ida B. Wells-Barnett and her husband Ferdinand Barnett. They were married in the early 1900s, but their marriage was extremely progressive for that time. Ferdinand valued Ida as an educator, writer, activist, but more importantly, his equal. Even so much that he didn’t get upset that they postponed their wedding multiple times because of her busy work schedule, they also shared domestic duties, including cooking, cleaning, and being active parents to their children. When we think of the relationships our grandparents and great-grandparents experienced, this gave me a greater appreciation of both of them.”

Ashleigh Coffie (Courtesy of Ashleigh Coffie)

She added, “Another one was the story of BET co-founder and hospitality mogul Sheila Johnson. She went through so much in her earlier marriage so it was rewarding to learn that she found her happy place in her relationship to her now husband, Judge William Newman, Jr., who was also the judge that signed off on her divorce to Bob Johnson. They had a beautiful lavish wedding with hundreds of guests that I loved because many assume when you’re older or remarrying, you should have an understated wedding, if you have one at all. And I love this story not just because of her luxurious nuptials but because she’s also mentioned how safe she feels with Judge Newman and how she now feels free to be herself without limitations and honestly, those are two under-appreciated characteristics of a great marriage.”

Since the series’ launch, “Aisle Tell You What” has grown to become its own podcast and Youtube series. From the success of TikTok, viewers are able to watch full episodes of the podcast every Monday on the host’s Youtube channel “the Tube of You.” “Aisle Tell You What” now has over 2,000 subscribers, over 120k impressions, and over 44k views. While subscribers are still able to share clips of the podcast on TikTok, the trajectory of the influence this podcast will have on the Black community is growing every day.

Regardless of your preference in marriage or relationship style, Black love should continue to be celebrated in all of its forms. It is important to not make assumptions of how things should be based on what we see on social media or tv. Whether a person is a celebrity or not, Black marriage can be beautiful and complicated at the same time. Coffie hopes that with “Aisle Tell You What,” it provides lessons about love for people to internalize and possibly shift how they approach marriage for themselves.

“Through all of this, I realized that for so many of us, we put a lot of people on pedestals. We see certain people in one light, and with the series, I am able to share their love stories and show that these people are human at the end of the day. There is love in Black history, and that is worth celebrating year-round. That love can help teach, inspire, and influence the relationships of today and tomorrow if we allow ourselves to be honest about them.”

She concluded, “Another takeaway from the series is that nothing was perfect. I hope people empathize with the stories versus judging people from their choices in their marriage or relationship. We have to remember that we all have dated someone that we knew wasn’t the right person for us. No matter what your accomplishments are or how many accolades you may have in society, it doesn’t negate you from experiencing various love encounters. These people are just like you and me.”