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New relationships are fun and exciting. You spend hours talking, laughing, and learning about each other. You have butterflies and countless talks with your friends about them possibly being the “one”. However, as you get to know your partner, it’s critical to have open and honest discussions about consent and respect early on. A new relationship needs to talk about sexual safety, but many people feel uncomfortable and unsure of how to bring it up without killing the mood. Establishing boundaries, building trust, and ensuring both parties are on the same page means creating a safe environment for a consensual and respectful discussion about sexual safety. The following are seven tips to help you discuss sexual safety in a new relationship without feeling awkward or embarrassed.
Start by creating a safe space: The first step toward discussing sexual safety is to create an environment where both parties feel comfortable and safe. Start by discussing your boundaries regarding the conversation, express how important it is to have an open and honest talk about sexual safety, and assure your partner that the conversation is not a judgment on their sexual history or habits. Moreover, try not to pressure them into the conversation and let them know that they can speak up when they are ready to.
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Use positive language: When discussing sexual safety, it would help if you avoid using fear and negativity as tools of persuasion. Instead, use positive language that encourages the other party to communicate. For instance, you can say, “I feel more comfortable when we use protection,” instead of saying “If we don’t use protection, we might get an STI.” Speaking positively can make the conversation less intimidating and more constructive.
Listen and validate their concerns: Remember, a conversation is a two-way street. Therefore, it’s essential to listen and allow your partner to express their concerns without interruption. Validating their opinions and acknowledging their feelings can help create a safe space for them to communicate. Furthermore, it shows your willingness to listen and understand them while reinforcing the importance of open communication.
Be honest and straightforward: It would behoove you to be honest and straightforward when discussing your expectations and boundaries. If you’re not comfortable with sex without using protection, say it. If you’re open to exploring various sexual activities, let them know. Keep in mind that honesty is the backbone of any relationship, and trust is vital for sexual safety.
Be specific: When discussing sexual safety, it’s important to be specific about what you’re looking for and what you’re comfortable with. Talk about your preferred methods of protection and ask your partner what they prefer. Discuss any concerns you have about sexually transmitted diseases, and make sure you’re both on the same page about getting tested.
Talk about boundaries: It’s important to have a conversation about boundaries and what you’re comfortable with sexually. Talk about what’s off-limits and what you’re open to exploring. Establishing these boundaries early on can help avoid misunderstandings or discomfort later in the relationship.
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Keep the conversation ongoing: Finally, remember that the conversation about sexual safety does not end after one discussion. Keep the conversation ongoing and continue to communicate openly and honestly about your sexual health and preferences as the relationship progresses. As you become more comfortable with each other, it’s important to continue to check in and make sure you’re both on the same page.
Talking about sexual safety within a new relationship may seem uncomfortable or embarrassing, but it’s a necessary conversation that should not be avoided. Creating a safe space, using positive language, listening and validating their concerns, and being honest and straightforward are some best practices for having this discussion. Remember, sexual safety involves communication, respect, and trust, and the conversation about it is the first step towards ensuring a healthy and fulfilling sex life within your relationship.
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Hey y'all - I'm Coco, The Conversational Freak, your intimate health and behavior coach, and I've unfortunately witnessed too many women suffer in silence, struggle with body positivity, and deal with the daily nuances of being a woman
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Courtesy of pexels.com A couple’s sex life is one of the most important aspects to a healthy successful relationship. The act blends the mind and the body — the physical and the emotional — into one. It brings people, especially those in a relationship built off of trust and love, closer together. Since sex plays such an essential role in love and marriage, the downs of sexual desire can be daunting. When the once highly anticipated act in a relationship becomes more of a responsibility, it can put a damper on the overall experience. However, it’s important to know that having a low sex drive at any given point is not abnormal. “A low sex drive is basically you do not have as much interest in sex as you may have once had, … so a low sex drive is relative to you and your experience,” says Dr. Donna Oriowo, a sex and relationship therapist. “There's always going to be ebbs and flows in the ways that we experience our sexual desire and our libido.” Related Articles: Been Married For Years and Hit a Sexual Plateau? Consider These Tips It’s Possible! I Rekindled My Sex Life in My 30-Year Relationship The Ultimate List of Intimacy-Boosting Products for Couples External factors, such as eating habits and stress levels, all contribute to the ebbs and flows of your sex drive. Oriowo tells Black Love that these factors play into sexual response cycles, specifically William Masters and Virginia Johnson four-stage linear model. From data they collected, they found that the four stages of human sexual response are excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. In 1979, Helen Kaplan took it a step further, adding desire as the first stage. Oriowo says that if people experience a successful cycle and a good resolution that will increase their desire and sex drive. However, when they have a poor experience, often influenced by those hidden external factors, it can contribute to the low sex drive. In agreement with Oriowo, licensed marriage and family therapist Rabiia Ali says that when it comes to sex, everything is connected. “When one part of it is off, everything can be off,” Ali tells Black Love. “If you are experiencing stressful situations, you may not have the capacity to be able to even feel sexual or physical sexual feelings, and that definitely could impact your sex drive.” The status of your mental, physical and emotional health outside of the bedroom impacts the experience you may have within it. If you are experiencing a low sex drive, these five things may be secretly interfering with your bedroom experience. Stress Courtesy of Canva.com Stress is prevalent in the Black community, with people reporting experiencing stress at a higher rate than their white counterparts. In today’s political and social climate, people are more stressed than ever. “One of the biggest things that goes into a low self sex drive is how we're feeling,” Oriowo tells Black Love. “Now, people are experiencing more stress than they have ever experienced before. It makes sense because people are having less sex than they have ever had before.” Low Self-Esteem The way that you feel about yourself plays a major role in your performance in the bedroom. With society’s unattainable beauty standards, it’s easy to put pressure on yourself to look a certain way. Sex requires you to be in your most vulnerable state with your partner. If you are not comfortable in your looks and your own skin, you can shy away from it. Low self-esteem and confidence may be the cause of your low sex drive. Diet The foods that you eat and the amount of water you consume plays a pivotal role in your sexual performance. Alcohol, along with other drugs, could also negatively impact your sex drive. “When clients are coming in and they're saying that they are not having strong orgasms, or they're not able to get erect, one of the first things I ask them about is their water consumption and their diets,” Oriowo says. “Eat what you normally eat, and add in foods that are high in antioxidants [and that] help with blood flow.” Courtesy of Unsplash.com Lack of Interest A good sexual experience combines an emotional connection with an intense physical attraction. If you have a lower sex drive with your partner, one reason could be that you are no longer interested in them. When the connection that you are experiencing with your partner is diminishing or is lost, it can be difficult to maintain an active sex life. Fatigue When you come home after a long day of work and complete all of your household chores, you may be exhausted. Without the proper amount of rest and relaxation, your body won’t be in the best position to perform in the bedroom. Make sure to get between seven and nine hours of sleep a night. Adults who sleep less than 7 hours may have more health issues, including low sex drive.
