Courtesy of freepik.com

Nelly and Ashanti’s renewed relationship has reignited the age-old debate about whether you should revisit, or “spin the block” on, an ex. For the talented twosome, the answer is seemingly clear. Almost a decade after their split in 2015, their second chance at love led to wedding bells and a baby on the way.

“This new year of my life is such a blessing full of love, hope, and anticipation,” Ashanti said in an exclusive interview with ESSENCE Magazine, announcing her pregnancy and engagement. “Motherhood is something that I have looked forward to, and sharing this with my family, fiancé, and loyal fans, who have been so supportive of my career, is an amazing experience.”

Their success story shows that there can be happiness when revisiting a past relationship, causing many people to reconsider their original stance. “Maybe ‘spinning the block’ on an ex and becoming a later-in-life Mom and wife ain’t so bad according to Nelly and Ashanti,” one X, formerly Twitter, user shared. Others still veer on the side of rapper Megan The Stallion, who when answering the question in her single, “Her,” she simply said, “Never / I don’t even wear an outfit twice, dead ’em.”

Although it’s easy to buy into the fairytale of a storybook romance, licensed clinical social worker Vernique Esther typically advises her clients against circling back to an ex. For relationships that ended due to infidelity or lying, she advises clients to leave the relationship in the past.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Ashanti (@ashanti)

“Those are things that I feel, at the dating level, are already setting a bad foundation,” Esther tells Black Love. “But, if you broke up for reasons outside of the relationship, like … some emergent event that was keeping the relationship from progressing and those things have since changed, [then] those are the things I feel “spinning the block” may be worth considering.”

Related Articles:
Top 5 Times Jay-Z Stood on Business About His Wife Beyoncé

One Man’s ‘I’m Not Ready’ is Another Man’s ‘I Knew the Moment I Saw Her’

6 Magical Proposals That Show the Beauty of Love

There are some things, like distance and job shifts, that may end a relationship abruptly and prematurely. If these roadblocks are removed, Esther acknowledges that there is a possibility for the relationship to flourish. In any instance, she cautions her clients to think the situation completely through before revisiting a past relationship.

“I think you need to check your heart,” Esther tells Black Love. “What are [your] motives for getting back with this person? You can have feelings and desire, and you can miss them, but that doesn’t mean that you actually have the capacity to show up to the relationship as a better version of yourself, which is essentially what you’re hoping for when you do “spin the block” on an ex.”

Courtesy of pexels.com

Before revisiting a past relationship, Esther advises couples to allow time for maturity, take accountability for past wrongs, showcase proof of change, have open, honest and transparent conversations, and set clear boundaries. Similar to Nelly and Ashanti, the journey to reconciliation is a long, hard road. While it’s easy to fall into thinking that a reconnection with an old flame is instantaneous, Esther urges couples who believe in the potential of the relationship to trust and go through the process. Recoupling is going to take time; however, with a willingness to forgive and move forward, starting anew is possible. 

Before making the decision to reconnect with an ex, both individuals should be fully prepared to show up differently in their relationship. Instead of falling back into how things used to be, Esther suggests couples take the time to relearn their partner. 

“Six months or a year later — if you’re willing to ‘spin the block; — have you been doing the work emotionally, socially [and] spiritually?” she says. “Ensure that you are who you want to be showing up in this relationship. Make sure that you guys are on the same page, that you, yourself, are willing to show up differently and that you’re willing to absolutely put in the work to relearn who this person is, instead of trying to step back into a previous flow.”